7 Signs You’re Ready to Date Again After a Breakup
Well, if you have had a relationship, you know that it is quite difficult to date again after a long time, and in general, people have different opinions about this process. For instance, while some people say that it’s fine to start dating immediately after a breakup because this is a good method that can help you get over a breakup easily, others recommend that you wait at least six months before you can meet someone else.
The idea is that people will always tell you different things – because they want to make you feel better or they just don’t have enough life experience – and it can get confusing sometimes. However, it’s important to listen to a specialist and focus on yourself and your needs.
“Breakups can have a profound mental and physical impact on a person,” said Jonathan Bennett, a certified counselor and dating expert at Double Trust Dating. “Some experts have compared getting over a breakup to a grieving process.”
Don’t worry if you want to spend time with yourself, go to therapy or meet other people, because you are not alone. “For some people, the feelings have ended before the breakup, and the breakup is actually a moment where they are set free to feel for others,” said Dr. Josh Klapow, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist.
Here are some signs that you are ready to date again after a breakup, according to experts. Read on for more info!
You know yourself better
As you already know, people have to go through a lot of things in order to become the person they want, and breakup is one of those things. So, you need to take “however long you need to work through the anger or sadness,” said a New York City-based couple therapist, Janet Zinn, LCSW. Thus, if you need to stay single for a month, a year or three, then go for it!
“It’s better to get through the breakup and learn what you can from the previous relationship so you’ve grown,” Zinn says. It is important to find out what you want from a relationship and set boundaries.
You focus more on the future
People who focus more on the future are better prepared to start a new relationship, than those who are still living in the past. According to a certified relationship coach, Rosalind Sedacca, “do the inner work first. Work on healing yourself of baggage […] Work on forgiving yourself for choosing a partner who wasn’t a good match. And on forgiving your partner for the disappointment and hurt related to your relationship.”
Try to focus more on the positive things and understand that pain, resentments, doubts and anger are just a fleeting feeling. Seeing a therapist is also helpful, so you can ask for help if you need it.
You feel comfortable with yourself
In general, people associate loneliness with a negative feeling and relationships with happiness, but the truth is that it is very important to feel comfortable with yourself and understand your needs. You also need to remember that you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself first. What could be better than having a good relationship with yourself?
When you are able to love yourself, you will be ready to start a new relationship. “If you’ve reached the point where you don’t mind being alone and can enjoy it, it’s a good sign that you’re ready to start dating again (for the right reasons),” said Bennett.
According to experts, loving yourself can help you build confidence and prepare you for your future partner and for reaching your goals. How to increase your self love? All you have to do is to exercise daily, read, eat a healthy meal, help someone in need, cry if you need to, sing, watch a movie and so on.
“Theoretically, I would give two to three months for every year you all were together to process the loss of a relationship, grieve, and pick yourself back up,” said author and relationship expert, Alexis Nicole White.
You feel happy with yourself
As we said before, there isn’t a specific amount of time to wait before starting a new relationship again, so you should wait as long as you need it. You don’t have to feel insecure and sad all the time, so try to focus more on the positive things that are happening in your life right now. This way, you will learn to enjoy your life more and happiness will take place again in your life.
“A significant other can make us feel better about ourselves temporarily, but it usually is not enough to sustain it in a healthy relationship,” said a licensed professional counselor, Tammer Malaty, MS, LPC. “It is usually once we break out of the honeymoon phase of a relationship that our insecurities begin to flare up. My advice is to work on those insecurities while single because they are likely to pop up in your next relationship. Being aware of those insecurities can help a person cope with them when they arise.”
You should talk more with your loved ones or ask a therapist for help. “Therapy is a great place to learn about yourself and to figure out why it is that you do the things you do,” Malaty says.
You don’t want your ex back
Of course, we all miss our exes, especially right after a breakup, but that doesn’t mean that you have to call him or her to tell them that you want them back. One of the most important things that you have to take into consideration if you want to be happy again and start dating again is to understand that people change, and once you get over that pain, you will find out that he or she will no longer be what you want from an ideal partner.
That being said, if you think that you’d get back to your ex, even though you know that it might be a bad idea, you shouldn’t try to date again, because you are clearly not ready for that, and you may break someone else’s heart as well.
“You’ll feel, you’ll remember, but you don’t get stuck,” Klapow says. “Old memories will just be old memories. They won’t keep you from going to work, engaging socially with friends, or doing what you need to do in your daily life.”
You reorient yourself to a life without your ex
You already know that it’s very important to focus on your future and improve your life – so it may mean that you should reorient yourself to a life without your ex.
“Whatever events in the future you had planned as a couple, whether it was a family vacation or the next step of moving in together, you’ve started to visualize yourself going through them without that person,” said psychotherapist at A Good Place Therapy and Consulting, Kara Lissy, LCSW. “The end of a relationship is a grieving process and a crucial part of that process is reorienting yourself to a life without them.”
You got rid of bad habits
Well, it doesn’t matter why your relationship ended, because you should actually focus on any bad habits that you think should be improved and work on them until you get rid of them.
“If you had bad habits and patterns that played a part in the relationships demise, it would be a very good idea to work through these as well first, so that you do not carry them into your next relationship, which can poison it from the start,” said psychologist and author of The Reality of Relationships, Dr. Nikki Martinez.