6 Types of Arguments That May Mean the End of Your Relationship
First of all, we have to admit that there is no perfect couple who have never had a fight, but this must be done in a healthy way that does not affect their relationship or other aspects of life. In some cases, having a disagreement can actually be a good thing, especially since it makes you both speak freely and support your own ideas. But unfortunately, people who have the same argument over and over again with their partners are more likely to end up alone, because it might be a sign that your relationship is not what you need right now.
One of the most important things that you have to take into consideration in a relationship is to let your partner move on when things don’t work out and don’t try to force them to work, especially because you feel when it’s over.
“If you fight over the same issue all the time, it doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed to fail,” said Jonathan Bennett, a certified counselor and co-founder of Double Trust Dating and Relationships. “However, if you can’t dig deeper and truly resolve the fundamental issues, then you might be ‘forcing’ the relationship and staying with it for reasons other than love and happiness.”
So, here are some types of arguments that may mean the end of your relationship or marriage. Read on for more info!
You don’t respect your partner
People who don’t talk freely in their relationship about what makes them angry tend to criticize their partner and make him or her feel bad. Before yelling at your husband or boyfriend for not helping you around the house, try to find a way to improve your couple communication. Don’t forget that communication is the key to a healthy relationship.
“This doesn’t happen overnight, but it gradually chips away at the foundation of your marriage,” says Lesli M. W. Doares, a marriage consultant and coach with a private practice in Cary, North Carolina, and author.
“‘You’ language is synonymous with finger pointing like ‘You did this, you did that,’” says Gilda Carle, PhD, relationship expert and author of Don’t Lie on Your Back for a Guy Who Doesn’t Have Yours. “Where can a partner go from there? He can only come back with attacks on you. Before you know it, disrespect is rampant, nobody hears the other, and the true grievances you have go unheard and unresolved.”
You think that you are always right
It’s fine to argue sometimes if you do it in a healthy way, but if you always think that you are right your partner is in the wrong relationship. You should make a compromise with yourself and try to learn to listen to other people, apologize and accept that you were wrong in certain situations – remember that nobody’s perfect and we all make mistakes. In fact, it’s impossible to always be right.
“My grandma used to say, ‘Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?’” says Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert.
In addition, try to focus more on how to make things work in your relationship. “When fighting about small things with your significant other, try to let them go,” says Winston. “Of course, the issues that mean the most and are important to you can be argued over, but in a mature way.”
First of all, you should take your time to calm down and then you can talk to your partner. “Candidates in a debate don’t raise their voices and spew out unrehearsed words,” says Winston. “The ones that are the most effective have a well thought out viewpoint
“The need to be right in an argument is divisive and can lead to resentments in the relationship, especially over time,” says Antonia Hall, MA, a psychologist, relationship expert and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life.
Your partner doesn’t want to have kids
If you are in a serious relationship or married and your partner doesn’t want to have kids, it may be a sign that your relationship is about to end.
“If you’re not on the same page about having kids, this will lead to resentment,” says Brooke Wise, founder of Wise Matchmaking. “Being a parent is a huge commitment physically and emotionally. It’s not something you can just compromise on or do for the other person. You have to be all in or it won’t work.”
“Parenting is hard enough when both people are on board,” Doares says. “Being talked into it will only create resentment.”
You have the same argument over and over again
According to The Gottman Institute, if you have the same argument over and over again with your partner it may be a sign that your relationship is about to end because you have different personalities.
“This might lead to divorce if you let the arguments seriously escalate, if you fight dirty, shut down, refuse to talk, or excessively blame,” says Marni Feuerman, a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Boca Raton, Florida.
You argue over chores
Unfortunately, many people argue over chores and some of them say goodbye after these episodes. But there are some couples who still resist even after these types of fights.
“When we first started living together, it drove me crazy when she left dishes in the sink,” said Mike Goldstein, founder of EZ Dating Coach. “I’d ask her repeatedly to put her dishes in the dishwasher. However, I found a way to love her more when I see dishes in the sink. Now, when I see the dishes, I’m reminded that she made us an amazing dinner. If there were no dishes, that would mean she didn’t make dinner,” says Goldstein. “Now, I’m grateful when I see dishes in the sink. It reminds me of how lucky I am to have an awesome fiancé who cooks for us.”
You argue over family
Even if you are not the happiest person when you visit your partner’s family, try not to misbehave around them or argue with your significant other because of his or her family.
“If you’re going to make critiques or comments about your partner’s family, it should be done in a way that’s respectful to your partner and mindful of his feelings,” says Stacey Laura Lloyd, Dating Expert for LiveAbout.com. “Since family connections run deep, your partner may feel personally insulted or attacked by less-than-kind words about his family. And if you’re trying to change your partner’s mind about his family, this can end up changing his mind about you as a result.”
“The topic of boundaries with those outside your relationship is one that must be negotiated to avoid tanking your relationship, says Feuerman. “Talk about your expectations and what it means to you to have family time.”